Ninjago Season 1, Episode 3: Snakebit
Welcome! I have a theory about this episode. I think it might involve snakes somehow and--wait, bear with me--snakes biting people. I dunno, might be a stretch. Let's see, shall we? (By the way, if you missed episode 2, you can find it here)
We begin:
Oh shit I forgot that our heroes randomly live on a ship now. That they just found. Did they even check if someone already owned it, or were they just like "the falcon said it's fine."
Wow, Wu, not cool. Not cool at all. Nobody should be woken up that early in the morning, and if you have to wake them up, don't do it with a freaking gong.
Where did they all get colour-coded pajamas? Can I have colour-coded pajamas?
Do they even have mattresses? Honestly from here it looks like they were just sleeping on the wood.
They just went to sleep without checking things out and making sure stuff worked? Like the plumbing?
Or the floor?
Side note: of course Zane is a morning person.
Oh no! Chores! The worst thing imaginable!
Oh no what are you doing
Why tf would spinjitsu help you do chores what no no why this is the worst
WHY IS THERE A COMPUTER AND ELECTRICITY WHAT IS GOING ON
WHOSE SHIP IS THIS??
Jay's parents knew to come to a random abandoned ship in the middle of the desert to visit their son, apparently.
Oh my word I love them.
I love them so much.
What is on Ed's overalls exactly? Is it jam? Please tell me it's jam? Is Jay's dad a serial killer?
Do they live at a junkyard? That is literally my childhood dream. I mean, the cool stuff, not the literal trash.
I honestly love them though they're amazing.
How do you have all this stuff? You've lived here for one day.
What the heck is the wall-sized computer map? What year is it? I will literally never understand the technology at play here.
I don't know if they have enough headlights on that car of theirs.
Oh now we have a graveyard apparently designed for opening hell-portals. Isn't that nice?
Damn it, it's Lloyd.
Why
Why, Lloyd
Tell me why
Why do you exist?
Did he just summon lightning?
This guy's got two heads. Can everybody see that or just me?
He seems nice. Definitely not insane at all.
Why is Lloyd's voice the way that it is? Come to think of it, why is anything about Lloyd the way that it is?
Is Jay's dad building a mech??
Oh nooooo what is that
This has suddenly gone full-on horror movie and I don't like it at all.
Oh it's just Lloyd. The least scary of all possible things.
They--they bit--they bit the vehicles and they--they turned into monster-vehicles. WHAT IS THIS SHOW!?!
Ohhhh no don't you dare touch Ed and Edna I will fight you.
Jay is a terrible son.
Too bad the dragons are conveniently leaving and can't help the ninjas fight whatever the hell was going on with those fucking monster vehicles.
You guys don't have a car or something?
The snake-people locked Ed and Edna in a FRIDGE! They could have SUFFOCATED!
Noooooo they're turning into snakes this is terrible!
Just look at Lloyd trying to be intimidating. I'm so intimidated. Wait, no, I'm not. At all.
Can I just say, the venom may be able to turn anything into a snake, but the crane and the car thing are definitely scorpions, not snakes. Also, it's a crane. And a car. And they're sentient? Honestly I'm just confused at this point.
Oh, don't forget the radio ... that they ... made into a snake....
Can they--no. That's too much. No way. No. They fucking--they--their weapons--their weapons turn into planes.
Fuck
And that's a motorcycle
And a car
I just ... I don't know if I can handle this, guys. I don't know. They just turned their golden weapons into vehicles. Fuck. I'm sorry.
Good job, Jay. Of course the one guy whose weapon can fly is the one who makes it disappear mid-flight.
Have you even tested to make sure whatever you're doing with this ship will actually work?
Welp the ship can fly. It has jet engines.
Aaand you lost the staff. Well done, team, you accomplished exactly nothing.
I want to cry. I don't know what's going on anymore. I--I just ... It's only episode three, guys, I don't know how much more I can take. Just--just go. I'll see you next week.
