Ninjago Season 1, Episode 1: Rise of the Snakes
And now we get into the show proper. Season 1, episode 1. None of this confusing "pilot" stuff. And boy, it's some real good stuff. (For last episode, join us here)
We begin:
"Long before time had a name." That sounds very wise and dramatic ... but does it mean anything?
This show does not know what it wants to be. The theme song does not fit the show at all.
Random shouting and ninja noises in the background--the ninjas must be doing ninja things.
"Oh my gosh," says the valley-girl impersonating Kai, "is that the greatest move you've ever seen?"
Oh noooo they're playing video games instead of training! Wait, that's what I do with my time. Wait ... am I a ninja?
Did these guys not have jobs or anything prior to their ninja-ness? Who's paying their bills? What happened to Kai's obviously failing blacksmith business?
As any athlete or anyone with a skill can tell you, Sensei Wu, once you get good at something, you can just sit around and not do that thing for as long as you want, and you'll always be exactly as good at it forever.
Wait, do they have new outfits again?
Wait where did Nya come from? Does she live here too?
Oh yes, I trust these men with the fate of the world. 100%
Jay's dragon judges him immensely.
How exactly is Cole's dragon flying with all those holes in its wings? They look like swiss cheese!
Lord Garmadon is going to kick your asses.
Oh nooo that looks like Garmadon's shadow for sure!
Oh wait, no, it's only the most irritating child in all of television, Lloyd Garmadon.
Huh. A mythical ancient race of snake-people who once ruled Ninjago and were supposedly locked underground. Sorry, Zane, I'm with Kai on this one. They're definitely not real and for sure not the main villains of this snake-based first season.
Everyone in this show is a mature grown-up. Wait, no, the other thing.
I'm sure this "one ninja will rise above the others and become the green ninja, destined to defeat the dark lord" thing won't put any sort of strain on the relationships or already impeccable teamwork of these our heroes.
Let it gooooo...
Welp Lloyd Garmadon just found a snake-person temple tomb thing.
This guy looks friendly. I like how he's trying to hypnotise people. And his staff is cool.
Welp the child has an army of snakes now.
You guys are pathetic.
So Kai just set fire to the entire temple ... things are goin' great...
Why does Sensei Wu need these guys? He'd obviously get way more done just doing it all himself.
I like how they made it clear that Lloyd is definitely a child by making him love candy and hate vegetables, which is how all children are.
How did the snake leader guy hypnotising himself make him unquestioningly serve this random child who was there also?
Wait, since when can Sensei Wu have magic scrying powers?
Who wants to bet this incredibly useful ability never shows up again?
I know they're heroes, but they did sort of make it sound like Nya's presence in the town under attack is the only reason they're going to help out.
Why do hypnotized people behave so much like stereotypical zombies? They're even moaning.
Thank god Nya knows everything about the Serpentine and how their power structures and magical weapons work, otherwise everyone would be screwed.
Oh, hang on guys, we have an inspirational "we're a team" speech incoming. Can I just say, it would be a lot more meaningful if their teamwork lasted more than five minutes at a time.
You ... you okay there Kai? I guess I'm glad the inspirational speech didn't make them magically back in shape after such a long time of sitting around on their asses.
Wow! Conveniently, randomly sticking the magic antivenom staff into a fountain makes everyone's hypnosis go away.
Dissent in the Serpentine ranks! Also ... this random snake-guy can ... see through Cole's eyes? Somehow? Magic, everybody. The answer to everything.
Join me next time for the next episode, "Home." Cole is still hypnotised by snake-people, but I'm sure that won't be a problem. Everything's fine.
